Tuesday, July 29, 2014

In the eye of the storm...

For years I have blogged w no content. Literally, just exemplifying myself and those around me as these misconstrutions (not a word) Just feeling empty and feeling to escape and then lead astray and to a place where I was then angry and everyone or life itself not being better to me. Like, knowing I DID a bunch of good work for a long time and then when Im at this Big tipping point or even before that I was just gona rather throw myself on purpose to fall and roll down the cliff but you know what? I always knew I was gona be ok. Sometimes I put myself in places that are totally in every which way unbelievable... for a girl like me. I am brave. I am showing my own foot as I point my toe and watch it drag across the line or that when u cross, its really alright... Maybe TOM FORD said it best... its just kinda like plain and simple "bad manners to dress ... bla bla bla whatever it was... YES its completely rude in society to have roots growing out and chipped nail polish etc and then THAT was what was interesting, was it not? like Punks spitting or somebody kicking a trash down or graffitti, or whatever else its a lot of RUDEass shit going on. Pants dropped, just MUSIC is a JOKE!!!! get it? cuz I dont care if you do or not bc I already know it is what it is... I am a member of this society. This thing that we all throw into and it echoes out back at us lets say... its the FOCUS that we got lost in... you hear what you wana hear, you go where u wanan go, u like what YOU like, you can be who ever u wana beeee.... YOU are part of this whole thing w me and everyone who we are driving along side w on the roads and crossing paths w on the streets, the bathrooms are all being used by as all, the food coming from the same or similar farms, and the small circle has a bigger circle around it and a bigger circle around it and so forth. Im not better than you. Im not as good as I wana be yet either... Im actually in nowhere land compared to what I expect of myself and others... yes including u. So, its life! we share a rhythm, we all piss and drink water and are effected by bigger things than us like the shared knowledge. I am gona try to relax like its my obligation... im gona enjoy what I have said and good or bad just let it go as YES proof we are all idiots LOLOLOL jk omg... and Im gone hate going to sleep right now bc i dont feel like it. I was trying to HELP ppl all night ... thats what I really do when Im feeling good and my true self. I just want to be in that place to do what I do... I have a lot to do before then and life is going by too fast for me I must be having a good time ;) I want u to Help me out here lol

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Shift of Consciousness...

I'm becoming more gentle and more closer to focusing on what makes me happy. It's so imp to do what u feel will make u more whole or better by not only instant gratification. There are versions of yourself and UR life's desicions impact that! Take any equation... it's just results like how u care for a plant... How u care for u has it's similarities if u na mean. So, I'm not a total genius, I'm just like u, I'm just wanting to write lol. It's not to do harm... It's not really for anything other than the "being" from a human... 
I don't have as much bullshit to say as I did... It's less BS for sure, more context, more fortunate, more awareness, more experience more diving into things for the chance of something great... If I don't do that I will never know. So it's experimental yes. I can get really excited about all these things I wana do but to actually do them, follow through... It takes a major devotion to UR idea and choosing and sacrificing your immediate a for a bigger bang u gona get as much as u put in. Put in your heart & brain and u got yourself a definite :) 
I'd like you to also try it. 
Or wherever u may be in life to be accepting to that place your in BC it's the results of your fortunes and misfortunes from the past that led you there. It's a blessing in disguise always... It's just humans that create these other things that are true sadness.. Not God. 
Don't blame the Universe!
The universe is just an equation of your together outcome geared by thoughts. So thoughts matter...  Energy keeps flowing and maybe changing... Don't believe that BC u did say something when u were angry that was negative and bad energy intended for a moment that it can't evolve when it's bounced around by positive... It's majority wins... A positive world w no problems isn't real... It's about solutions becoming tasks to accomplish. It's just trying your best to be a light in this world. It's even the little things! It's peace. It's laughs. It's creation, meaning, future capability for everything we do now will affect later... But accepting yourself if u do make a mistake... Mistakes aren't bad, they are the perfect lesson u needed to go through for a bigger plan. We should be less self centered but I never thought I was self centered at all... I have my ways to back up my nonsense since I'm not even sure where I'm going w it, it's kinda pure, it's the most realist thing I can offer of my existence... Many times not saying anything when so much else goes on. What are we supposed to do about the wars? Why can't they just get OVER IT? Why can't some body step it up and cross the border or break the wall and start hugging every person on the other side just out of straight sorrow and love for it's the only way to just make a new start... If they came together they could just stop seeing the line that divides them... They could become neighbors and show the world they can beat this never ending battle wo any combat. Somebody start the LOVE WAR! The sharing, caring, gifting, loving way of LETS JUST MOVE ON CUZ ITS THE WHOLE WORLD WATCHING a situation that is like brother sister fights when UR LIL LOL. Why? We have the power to stop doing all that we do just an easy shift of consciousness. Xoxox

Monday, June 23, 2014

the crazies are on the loose... NOT EVEN FUNNY.

So this is an important day. It marks the day of my new beginning... I am letting go of some harmful people that will become a part of my PAST now... I am taking my life into my own hands and making moves that I decide and that nobody can influence me back on. I want to apologize for anything that I have said that has made me seem like I am a hurtful person or anything like that. I am going to remove the layers of whatever it is, whatever people don't serve me for good and just walk this tight rope though invisible when your eye is on your goal and target you don't look down at your feet. your eyes are looking at what you most want and your heart flutters and your body reacts in a chemical reaction of LOVE for what you really really really do want and then all this stuff in the immediate vicinity disappears and u realize it was all a bunch of distractions from what you really do want and feel u deserve. Well, I am going to do that. Of course Ive tried to do this is a way but it was like my vision was impaired and I could only see what was right in front of me. I am here now and I am making this declaration. An honest and determined one. I just want to be alone. I don't want a boyfriend, I don't need any more bouncing around and people who TAKE TAKE TAKE! I am like lost from my route and then I am thankful bc its brought me to this other place where I am changing what I thought I was aiming towards! Its incredible. Its like being a model doesn't last forever WELL, we all get to change careers cuz nothing lasts forever and even if it does you might feel like what your doing isn't what makes you feel fulfilled. I am getting BOMBARDED w texts as we speak so I gotta go... Anyway, I am fine.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Vision of Bliss...

A clear vision for what I want and placing the focus there... Creating a plan to get there... Where do I wana be in 5yrs? In 10? In the next 5 I would like to have more experience in either retail or some type of similar shop so that I can learn how to run my own business. I need to potentially be able to understand and manage a business so that one day I can have my own. I wish I could just be my own boss but I need to have a good manager to learn from so that's what I clearly want. The thing is that a fashion retail atmosphere can be lacking some sort of ultimate fulfillment so that's why I am not completely wanting that and when u don't want something wholeheartedly then your not really gona get it. So then I'm torn to sorta which careers and go into natural medicine like herbs and spices and healing the body through teas and clean food like raw or simple tapas like dishes set in an atmosphere which is my dream shop. I need to clarify who my target market is... The gaps need to be clear in order to go from here to there wo the huge jumps in between. All this nonsense I say all these words but I'm just talking out loud, thinking things through on paper wether it's a thought, an idea, a frustration, whatever! I'm trying to get someplace... I'm not where I want to be yet but it's the journey and all the times I fall or whatever happens and this is just my story. A story I don't wana have to explain at any moment in time really BC that's kinda why I'm doing it now as I go along. I don't have much more time to waste. I have to get clear on things. So an experience in a course in natural medicine for somebody who doesn't want to be a doctor. A kinda raw food cleansing experience for like 3months sounds magical. I'd love to do that so I can learn more about it and also to clear my head and body for a better me. I'm craving this social consciousness venue... I want it to exist already but that's why I need to create it. It's the big idea, the vision I have for myself and for bettering humanity... Bringing ppl the good in life, the green movement, not harming animals, wo causing pollution, helping the Earth, understanding the benefits in what we can put in and on our body... What happens in say art therapy or the feelings u get from seeing colors next to other colors. A hands on tangible museum where art forms unite. So many beautiful things in the world that we need to appreciate or take better care of. I love photography, coffee table books, video art projections, things that make u laugh or inspire you. I love beauty. I love superficiality but to a certain extent if it means that I'm buying something that makes me happy and it's a 5$ tshirt then it doesn't make me happy to know the story behind that being made in China etc. things need to change. I love the concept of burning man, of installation art, of what ppl can do when they all come together and create, the installation art and the meanings behind it all. Knowing more about the energy for the time like what's in the stars and making ppl happy! Music! Art! Creating magic! Clean, knowledgable, friendly, compassionate, timely ideas and doing things w the future in mind. I want to make this a better place and I believe in myself I'm meant to be hosting this happy place and connecting the dots and having ideas w a place to expose them and having everyone involved in something they love being a part of. I don't want u to feel down or depressed like sometimes, many times, I have. I am a ball of inspiration! A Ball of Love! I want the Earth to be a Ball of Love BC we are all parts of it becoming so. I want to feel like I'm a part of something, I want u to be a part of it too. I want it not to be mine but to be OURS. I will blow on a dead dandelion and make a wish that I find like minded ppl who want this too... Friends and family whom I haven't even met yet to be found! I want to plant the seeds of the whisps in the air and may they plant new flowers like a migrating, replicating, weed of yellow happy and bloom! If my wish comes true I hope it's in line w what u want out of the future too and that UR wish comes true too. 

Park & don't ever get a ticket!

U have to define your target market and in that get precisely keen on knowing their next step even if they r the unpredictable type, taking chances.

The message in getting if I try to really think about it is to hold our children close. 

And to really love and teach them everything they should know from UR heart to theirs and to lead them into a world where they have the love courage wisdom strength and that will bring us all happiness cuz the youth needs some fine tuning.... I am also a damaged product of that. That's what I believe. I am affected by the lack of real knowledge in the way that was right for me to fully absorb it... I was thirsty for it and the longer more time went by the more I settled and accepted that I couldn't get what I really needed and wanted. I gave up and just said fuck it, this is easier than trying and trying is what i was originally made for... I was held back like a husky on reigns in the snow. I was obedient. But canputuring somebody from what true freedom and fully rich education... Idk I mean, I'm just saying what I went through. I am disappointed in the school system from MY story. Not knowing what it's like now but I imagine kids are a wreck and way more depressed than we were at that age. We must send love and starting w ourselves. Your the worst judge and your old thoughts are leading you astray. You are showing a side of u what even for? Why do this to yourself? Lol idk but I just HQVE to finish what I've started as it's become a home away from home when I can just think of why I have this feeling of Mmmmm un fulfillment? I have a meeting at 10am then a shoot at 3pm DTLA studio and I'm gona wing it BC it's not worth too much planning this time more improvised might help me make something cool.. It's easy I love it but sometimes it's not right and that's the challenge or the shot... It's a magic that needs capturing, theirs no other way. 

I feel better writing a bit. 
Love, u all.